Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Choosing Not to Afford It

Recently I attended a wedding in Santa Barbara. The bride is a childhood friend, and I'm really glad I went to see her get married. She was so happy and gracious...asking everyone if they were having fun and if they needed anything during the reception. (I joked to my other friend that I should say, "Hey, the toilet's clogged, can you go take care of that?")

I live a few hours from Santa Barbara, and attended with another old friend, as dates were not invited (don't get me started). It was a lot of driving, but my friend and I shared gas and had a good time. About a month before the wedding, the bride messaged me about getting a hotel room and mentioned she had a friend we could share a room with if we wanted. I wrote back saying I had just planned to drive home after. She recommended staying so we could "drink and have fun," which is understandable.

The room would have been $50 each, and I just didn't care to spend the money. The drive isn't terrible, and I'd rather come home to my own bed and my boyfriend than spend more money for the wedding weekend, especially since I knew hardly anyone else there. So I wrote back thanking her for the option, but that I'd rather not spend the money.

Her response was worded in such a way that she seemed to think I didn't HAVE the money. It annoyed me more than it probably should have. I COULD spend the money, I just didn't WANT to. (I'll stop capitalizing words now. Sorry.)

I don't know why this bugged me so much. Perhaps because it suggests I am not good at managing money if I can't come up with $50 for a hotel room? Or because I care too much about what she thinks, and I didn't want her to think I am poor? I didn't want her pity? I don't know, but I had to fight the urge to write back and clarify that I could afford it, I just didn't want to.

(I didn't say I wouldn't use italics!)

Have you had a similar experience? Did it bother you?


  1. I know exactly what you mean! And yeah it bothers me. There is a clear difference between not wanting to spend the money and not having the money.

    Also, dates weren't invited?

  2. This is something that annoys me frequently too. We have a big clunker of a TV and we don't bother to replace it, because it is not important to us. But I've had friends tell me to buy a new TV from Best Buy and apply fro the credit card so you don't have to pay it back for 6 months. I had to bite my lips to prevent myself from saying something back.

    To prevent these kind of situations I try to give another excuse not related to money. For instance in your case, I would have told my friend that I had an early morning appointment the day after and so could not stay back

  3. It's a bit rich of her to say that dates aren't invited then make you feel bad for not wanting to spend $50 for a hotel room. By the way, I'm totally with you on that!
    Having been recently married, I can kinda see her side (though I like to think that I wouldn't be that condescending!) I think brides sometimes forget about everyone else and the expenses they are paying to get there.
    We recently had to say no to a wedding that was out of state, because we just couldn't afford to go. Well, we could have...but that would mean more credit card debt, time off work I couldn't afford, and a long weekend where we'll barely see the bride and know no one. Sometimes you have to make these choices!