Monday, January 2, 2012

Music to My Ears

BF is selling some furniture that was being stored in my mom's garage for the last six months. (While we were/are totally committed, we both knew that s*** happens, and decided to keep some big items for a time, while we adjusted to living together). He is currently listing the items on Craigslist, and when I asked about maybe giving the couch to a friend who could use it, he said twelve words that were music to my ears:

"I want to use that money to pay down my credit card."

YES. This is not how he used to roll, people. He is used to carrying a few thousand in CC debt, and just paying it and reloading it. He even said that if he weren't with me, he would just leave it there. (Which could be trouble down the line, because I want it to be HIS choice. But I'll take what I can get.) He's also been putting a pretty impressive sum toward his CC each month, so I think it will bit the dust in the first quarter of this year.

I am especially excited about this choice, because one of my goals is to be debt free by my thirtieth birthday in October. And in the back of my mind, I sometimes think, "What's the point? When/if BF and I get married, I'll just be taking on his debt."

And I will. He has a car payment and some student loans as well. But, I can deal with those if there's not a credit card debt in the picture, and if his habits and goals align to mine. He'll always be the spendier one, but I've seen changes in how he handles money that are encouraging.

They say you can't change a person in a relationship. And that's absolutely true. I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do (trust me, I've tried.) BUT, people can change. Something that I love about BF is that he has changed in his adult life. He's made mistakes along the way, but I admire that he has grown past them, and keeps growing. We both do, and I think that's part of what makes things work.

Have you had your partner grow in financial choices because of your influence? Have you been influenced by your partner?


  1. That's awesome! Sometimes, it just takes a little time for people to change for the better.

    Boyfriend has always been relatively financially responsible, although he has the tendency to keep his money in his chequing account, whereas he could be putting it in retirement accounts or TFSAs. Or investing. With my influence (nagging?), he's started to put it in different GICs and TFSAs. I still want him to put some into his retirement account, though!

  2. my husband has gotten a million times better about finances, but we still run into some snafus. like this weekend, we almost overdrafted our account because he wrote $160 in checks and forgot to tell me about yeahhhh... but still,. he has improved SO much when it comes to money and his spending habits.

  3. That's awesome!
    I'm more like your BF in our relationship. I've grown so much between my husband's help and the help of blogs, haha. But I came into this marriage with CC debt, a LOT of student loans and a car payment. My husband only had student loans. But together we're working together, and my CC debt (which is on a repayment plan) will be paid off in 6 months!

  4. Yeah, you can't and shouldn't set out to change someone or make a relationship contingent on that change but absolutely we are going to change over the course of our relationships so there's absolutely good reason to be good influences on each other and bring out the best in each other. So many times you hear of people growing apart but the far less celebrated is the growth together.

    PiC has slowly grown to understand more of the financial responsibility that I wield and while he doesn't at all enjoy it, revel in it, or roll in it like it's catnip like I do, he definitely makes far better choices more often than he used to

  5. Drat typing on this machine, I wasn't finished with that thought! Anyway, I was saying... He is more mindful of his choices and thinking long term. There's still a lot of growing together we have to do, but it's nice to know that we are doing it together as best we can figure, not apart.

  6. @Revanche, I think BF and I are the same way. I revel in finance stuff, he tolerates it. But he's getting better, and I can see him making choices that will benefit both of us, so that makes me happy.